It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
