You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
