I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
