he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
