You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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