Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar

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(712): View more from Iowa

They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.

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(303): View more from Colorado

So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher

(312): View more from Illinois

And maybe a life coach?

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(540): View more from Virginia

I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"

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(402): View more from Nebraska

if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?

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