Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
