When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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