so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
