i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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