Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
