i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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