i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
