I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
