You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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