Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
