Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
