VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
