I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
