I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you win again, gameday.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
