I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize