we have pet lesbian snakes
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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