Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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