Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize