Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
