Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
