Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I want to have your abortion
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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