but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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