Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
