I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
