Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize