oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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