He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
