Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
