Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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