I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you mean i was at the winter classic?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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