toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A+ Viking dick
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
