it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
