apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she smelled like a LAN party
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
