You made me cry and you don't even care
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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