does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It's Friday. Sex?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
