Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
