so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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