Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
