Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
