if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm like, not good at living.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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