So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
