hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
