I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
