working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
