I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
