This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
