he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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