There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
