He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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