After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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