So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize