dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
