I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
