You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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