SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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