no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
