While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
