Where is the hickey?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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