I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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