we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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