I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
