I feel great
I just peed on a car
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
