RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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