I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
