how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
