cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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